Create This Moment

my story...but not YET.

2012-02-27T23:10:00.024-08:00

tonight - i asked this question.

when do our stories become our OWN?

when can you tell a story. your story.

in full....WITHOUT affecting {effecting?} whichever....another person?

there is YOU. and there are "characters"

in EVERYONES novel.

THEY are what makes the story interesting.

the dynamics more intense
our stories evolve around the individuals involved in our lives.
those just passing through.
those that remain by your side for a lifetime.
and everyone in between.

realistically.

our "people" MAKE our story.

they INTERTWINE.
nestle deep into our hearts.
become part of our souls.
hold the pen and paper.

so my question is this....

WHEN can you REALLY share this brilliant novel - and all the chapters within it
WHOLE-HEARTEDLY
without involving our soul dwellers? :)
{for lack of a better word}

never.

we all have a million stories....

{make that a million and ONE..}
and they involve others,
always.

personally....

EVERY. SINGLE. TIME....i wanna share - i stop.

i ponder.

and most often, i decide to stay silent. safe. "appropriate". & accepted. protective.

why?

'cause "THE STORY"
the EXPERIENCE.
MY LIFE - it is not really ALL MINE.

it involves OTHERS - and their experience, their weakness, their strength, their conviction, beliefs, stories.

NOT JUST MINE

OUR STORIES - are not COMPLETELY our OWN.

our lives...
brilliant, un-edited, real.

one experience after the other.

that make or break us.

and either way - we move on.

stronger, wiser...and raw.

ready.

just WAITING for the next moment - next CHAPTER - that is willing and able to change us even more into the people that we are meant to be.

YET.

every. single time - we share our chapters - we pull SOMEBODY out on the carpet.

if i have a "chapter" with my marriage.

CHRIS is a sitting duck.

so i hesitate.

if i have a "chapter" with an employee.

SITTING DUCK #2.

if i have a "chapter" with a child....

yet another decoy - sits still in the water....

friends - NEVER would i tarnish THAT sanctity, either.

so.....

we ponder.

and STOP.

silence.

no story telling, today.
saving that chapter for a later date....

'cause it is...

NOT just our STORY we are sharing...
always - it involves others.

ya know?

so often times we just don't tell.

we don't talk.

we look down.

and

our stories stay locked up inside of us.

SCREAMING.

yet so VERY silent.

when do we get to OWN our stories?

maybe now...maybe never.

so potentially - in the end - our stories OWN US.

un-told.

still lying dormant in our hearts.

filled with passion.

we need to tell it somehow.

in some way.

art?

abstract, cryptic - writing?

a close friend with mutual experiences?

reality is...

YOU have a right to YOUR part in YOUR STORY.

that IS yours - so carefully tell it the best you can....the way you know best.

with grace.
with heart.
with compassion.
with soul.

....and most importantly - with a hint of protection - for those you LOVE.

because...

after all - the "love" chapters

of any sort -

THOSE are the best.

hands down.

on every level.

one day.

my line of laundry will hang.
my part will be told.

with colors that shine....off set by the "darks" that soaked up all the warmth.
it is a must.

one of my beautiful friends repeatedly reminded me this evening how DULL the JOY would be without the heartache.

how BORING our stories are without our precious "characters"?
friends, family, people....angels of sorts....
to challenge us.
to offer us insight.
to tear our hearts apart....or better yet - MEND THEM back together.

so....we should celebrate - each and every CHARACTER in our lives.
each and every chapter.

those that have sparkled and helped US sparkle - and ALSO those that are a little on the dingy side....
clearly a thank you is in order to each and every person

no matter what happened.

brace yourselves...

for one day.

chapters will reveal themselves, one by one.
stories will be told.

'cause in the end - it IS OURS.
every part of it.
fall in love with it.
a novel unwinding.
consistently.
perfectly.
life.
my life, my story....
what is yours?

YOUR moments.

2012-02-07T22:11:00.000-08:00

a "moment."
we have all had them.
you know the ones....
they change you - EVERYTHING about you.
forever and ever.
without warning.

i can think of several "moments" - that altered my very being.
i am grateful for them.
i resent them.
i love them.
i hate them.
i cry. i laugh. i learn.

once upon a time - i read...
somewhere, one of my "loo, loo" books...
that our very souls rest in heaven....
just wanting, yearning, needing....more than anything to experience the "moment"....
this life.
again.
and the DEPTH of the emotion that goes with it

i LOVE to believe this....
'cause i love the idea that...perhaps...
at some point over and over again.
our souls...
sit in perfection. paradise. just so much WANTING....
to be HERE.
life.
yearning.
for the laughter.
for the pain.
for the joy.
the LOVE.
for the sadness.
for the "moment"

IF it is true....
i guess. - i GET it, with all my heart.
my soul would want this.
what i have. what YOU have.
over and over again....
oddly enough.
wouldn't YOURS?

i LOVE my "...moments".
all of them.
good, horrible and otherwise.
{and i assure you - we have all had our even share}

so next time.
that shocking, life altering...tragic...exhilarating...heart breaking...crazy...never before
"moment"
comes around.
stop.
feel.
learn.
endure.
accept.

'cause it is YOURS.
wholeheartedly.
100%.

embrace it.
with ALL that you are, all that you have been, and all that you WILL be.
'cause THOSE moments define you.
they alter you.
they put you in the moment of "becoming"
YOU.

and once again i will say....
THAT is a beautiful thing.
so. VERY. beautiful.
no matter what.

xoxo,
ang.

...i feel a "quote" coming on.

2011-12-08T23:09:00.001-08:00

so. at times i feel this...stir

way down deep

inside my soul.
God given? Sent by my Angels, perhaps?
- or maybe it is a whisper from those that i LOVE far beyond this world.
all of the above, maybe?

i like to think so.

typically, i let myself FEEL it and then just SAY it.

{i hesitate, but put it out there just the same}

it has been set upon my heart, for a reason.right?

tonight, that happened....... i really kind of love it when that happens.

so this is "the result"

------------------------------

"....the moment you feel someone should THINK like you THINK, BELIEVE what you BELIEVE, hold TRUE what you hold TRUE, is the moment you have lost your way....your path is for YOU to follow - and at the end is a great big gathering of HEARTS with their OWN story to tell." ♥ ♥ ♥

our OWN story.
yours. mine. theirs.
individually filled with unique minutes of our lives. experiences we each have....
with our OWN clear perspective and understanding.
these moments paired with a spiritual presence i like to refer to as:

our truths - our "faith."

MY faith doesn't fit into a nice little box.

personally, i don't think it should.

it is everywhere & all over the place.

i never was one to be told what to do or believe.

I am consistently filled with beautiful questions, doubt, assurances, truths, security, and insecurity, love, life.

we all need to SEARCH for our OWN truth.

for a lifetime.

what stirs YOUR soul?

whatever it is.
let your heart - find hope there.

find love there.

find peace.

isn't that what matters?

....to know like you know that you are led...

by love.by hope.by trust.

"faith"

through this you will find your comfort.
pure and simple peace.
deep down.

{pause.}

feel it.

it's yours.

so next time you are frustrated with the expectations of life, or people, or living.

just remember to hold on to YOUR truth.
your faith.
your peace.
your "you."

own it.live it.feel it.
whatever it is.
no expectations.
no requirements.

you have been blessed
from the heavens
with your heart.
individually and unique
no mistakes. perfect as is.

it is so beautiful.

so right.

no matter what anyone else thinks.

please, just do the very best you can.

take comfort.
and know like you know that - 100% -

you are loved.

for everything you have been,
are
and will be.

no. matter. what.

faith, hope, love, my friends.

defined by your truth.

hold onto it loosely. cause it will twist and change, and grow....

but hold on just the same.

it sounds superficial, once said over and over again...
however in reality....

it is the most OFFICIAL thing you have.

it survives everything, even life itself.

guaranteed.

xoxo, in faith.ang.

can't sleep.

2011-10-09T23:53:00.000-07:00

tonight.

i can't sleep.

my brain is racing with so many thoughts.

i keep running though my day, my life, my everything.

do you do that?

life's "expectations" get so overwhelming it seems as though just breathing is a task?

that is the moment i am in right now.

i keep thinking about the what if's, the should be's, the could have's

....those thoughts that battle your inner peace.

specifically a few things are bugging me about ME today.

one being the fact i yelled at my kids.

i NEVER yell. ever. today i did.

for something SO TRIVIAL.

it was so dumb.

then....i got in the car - went to my social event - got out of the car and walked RIGHT by someone i knew, and should have had the courtesy to say hello to.

i didn't.

{i was a snot like that today. ugh}

this chick {being me} - was too caught up in processing the SHOUTING i had just done on the home front...i was all out of whack.

bobble headed.

in a fog.

then.

as i whispered my confession of my WICKED MAMA MOMENT tale to one of my friends...

i was shot a "LOOK" from someone that surely took the whispering out of context.

i guess when you are in public whispering is taboo.

quickly it is assumed as gossip.

stupid me.

forgot about that.

again.

will i NEVER LEARN?

so these things linger in my brain.

...and yes...they will keep me up ALL night, as i combine them with every OTHER "mistake"/character flaw that i posses and have made in the last 100 years.

please tell me you do that.

i have to beat it to a pulp....and analyze all the ripple effects ONE action makes....on lives....sometimes, thinking about that is so overwhelming.

why in the world do i care SO MUCH?

i need to just be one of those people that let's it ROLL off her back.

but no MATTER what...i can NEVER do that.

....as i continue to bury my head into the pillow WISHING that i could disappear for perhaps just 24 hours....

i will say this.

the next time...someone yells, or walks by you, or whispers to her girlfriend...most likely it has nothing to do with you.

take it with a grain of salt.

and love them.

life is crazy.

i WISH we all had signs on our heads giving people updated information.

the kind that is REALLY none of their business, but if they KNEW they would see things so much more clearly.

today mine would have read.

this woman is not thinking straight.

....her smile is fake.

not every day, but for today

she is out of character.

and simply isn't at her best.

don't be offended.

just smile back, pretty please.

some dear, sweet friends said to me today how tired they are of the statement

it is what it is.
they think we should say...

it is what it SHALL be.
what WE make it.
how we SEE it.
and go from there.

they are right.
and here i am making it more than what it REALLY is.
my kids still love me...the person i walked by probably didn't really care, and the misinterpreted whispering is just THAT...misinterpreted. ha!

so i shall make it better...by letting go. letting God....
and going to sleep.
knowing that...
tomorrow.

i need to be more legit with this smile of mine.
thank GOODNESS for a NEW DAY!

goodnight.
{well, really good morning...but whatever. :)}

winner of GROW YOUR WINGS

2011-09-10T08:17:00.000-07:00

it is a BEAUTIFUL Saturday and my heart is in a {HAPPY} place.

So excited to see what this day brings.

my DEEP DOWN happy has surfaced today!

HOORAY!

AMBER S.

YOU are the winner of the Stamp ABOVE

Grow your WINGS

Please EMAIL me at angela@unitystampco.com

I will get your stamp off ASAP!

Enjoy your WEEKEND!

smiles & love!

a shift back to happy....but deeper.

2011-09-08T22:45:00.001-07:00

happy.

ecstatic.

gleeful.

joyous.

blissful.

chipper.

merry.

simple words. right?

you would think it would be a simple place to find in our lives.

that place of "happiness".

i guess that depends...on so many different things.

so many.

it depends on our story.

our experiences.

our hurts and our joys.

and the distance between the two.

personally....just like you -

i want to be happy.

consistently.

constantly.

and every moment in between.

if given the choice, i would choose happy.

hands down - every single time.

we all would.

all your "self help" people will tell you to do just that.

simply to "choose happiness".

your choice. your decision.

i 50% agree with that philosophy.

i know the choice is ours.

i get that.

i love that.

typically -

even if a big white stinkin' elephant is stepping right on my little toe - i smile.

why not, right?

however, i have found in simply CHOOSING happiness, in CHOOSING to paste that smile on your face, in CHOOSING to stitch your broken heart with 5 stitches when it requires 30 stitches - you are doing yourself an injustice.

you can't fake happy.

'cause in the end...."happy" will start to ache, tear you apart, simply hurt.

happy will become just a word.

ya know?

why would we RUIN a perfectly good thing by being fake?

why fake happy?

dumb.

so...pretty much -

i am over it.

this "JUST BE HAPPY" stuff.

the truth is never all that easy when it comes to heart ache.

facing all the "ouch" - when all you want to do is forget- it hurts.

let's lay it on the line.

it would be easier walking away from all the pain.

it would be easier convincing yourself that you are strong, brave and "happy".

but sometimes...your "happy" is worth getting through, feeling and standing up for.

2 years ago.

my heart began to shatter.

one "incident" after another.

months and months and MONTHS of "stuff"

scenarios. one after another.

it broke, i am sure of it, i FELT it - this open heart of mine.

into a million and one pieces.

i was wide open. trusting. stumbling. reaching out.

...yet - just a little stupid, i guess.

i won't go into detail.
after all the heartache. the smile remained...

...but "happy" simply hurt.

it wasn't real anymore.

today.

as the hurt continues to heal -

i wrote this to a friend - regarding what i have learned....

my heart goes out to ANYONE who is struggling with hurt so deep-yet they still put on a smile, because they "have to". i never imagined when i heard the word heartbreak that it would one day become so literal in MY OWN life. i FELT my heart break SO MUCH in the last two years for so many different reasons.

-however i can say this,

when i am HAPPY - i am HAPPY because it has to get

by all the hurt first.

i guess my happiness is rooted "deeper" now.

a place way down inside and to reach that place, means it is simply felt on a much deeper level.

i wrote that email and i realized it was a blog post in the making.

so you have pain....grow with it.
your heart has been broken once, or twice, or 3 million times.

each time the hurt comes - happiness WILL SINK a little deeper.
you can't prevent that.
eventually - happy lies UNDER all the heartache.
buries itself.
becomes a wee bit elusive.

eventually - it becomes a little harder to just "choose" happy.

but YOUR happiness is still there just the same. ready to take the journey back to your reality.

be grateful for that.

because when "happy" surfaces it comes from within a place in your soul SO DEEP
...you KNOW like you KNOW like you KNOW - it is real.

nothing worth having OR FEELING is easy.

so embrace the heart ache my lovely friends.

heartache = heartFELT happy.

it doesn't come easy, and you wouldn't WANT it to anyway.

TRUE "happy" is not for the faint of heart.

it is for those that HAVE a heart - a heart that is willing to break in order to be stitched up that much stronger.

elusive as happy may be, know it IS there.

....and when you feel it...take a deep breath.

YOU DESERVE happy.

YOU have earned it.

no matter what.

-------------------------

....wading out into the deep...WINGS OF HOPE Blog Post...

2011-06-19T19:01:00.000-07:00

blogpost for WINGS OF HOPE - for more information about wings of HOPE go to www.yourwingsofhope.blogspot.com

...wading out into the deep.

first thing on my mind this morning was this blog post.

the questions at hand:

What does WINGS OF HOPE mean to me.

Why does my journey on this earth now include WINGS?

8 hours later, i am still pondering the content of my heart - and how deep i want to go with that answer.

i keep having this visual...

me. oceanside. standing alone on the beach.

the breeze on my skin, the smell of the air.....in front of me is a breathtaking sight of blue.

an ocean so beautiful. so vast. so deep. and so filled with unknown.

our souls are like this.

with this blog post...

i can venture in. ankle deep and stay very comfortable.

or i can decide to journey into the depths of my ocean - taking that risk of becoming vulnerable.

i am weighing the value of both at this very moment.

do i give you the surface stuff - or journey into the abyss of the "unknown"?

WINGS.

why?

so many reasons.....

WINGS: Reason #1

2011 started with heartbreak.

on so many different levels.

there was sweet, surprising, heartfelt moments - bringing in the new year...

friends.laughter. love.

happy.

shortly followed by unexplainable heart ache and grief.

tragic loss.

i stood by -feeling the energy of sadness fill the spaces of so many lives.

hearts of friends that i LOVE so very dearly - being ripped apart.

loss.

hearts. broken.

pain everywhere.

i knew there would be an opportunity to help....i just didn't know what to do at that time.

nobody did or ever does know what exactly they can do when they watch people they love go through this kind of pain.

you want to offer them peace.

LOVE does that.

HOPE does that.

the time just has to be right.

so you just be.

like you always have been.

and pray.

hard.

continued....

WINGS: Reason #2

early 2011...
personal struggle sets in.

to my surprise.

i started falling apart.

BAD TIMING, i know.

but who chooses this kind of thing?

... much of my pain - i had been successfully covering up.

i had guarded my heart for SO LONG.... and it all emerged.

took me deep inside.

to the base of my being.

there i was.

me facing me.

vulnerable.

feeling SO MUCH SADNESS.

i didn't even know where it was coming from specifically.
a lot of places, i guess.

i won't bore you with the details...

there was...

unexpected "explosion of emotion"

it started to become very apparent to me - my heart - needed some serious repair.

i felt stuck.

torn.

consumed by lack of direction.

lost.

numb.

YOU know how it is.

that surprising moment when your act is up.

you have set aside one heart ache after the other for so long - and simply entered into survival mode.

you don't allow yourself FEEL the pain.

FEEL the loss.

FEEL the hurt.

FEEL the disappointment.

FEEL the changes.

you don't allow anything negative...cover it up...move on...

put on a smile.

you just don't let them see you sad.

because...if you did....

it could be uncomfortable.

we don't want any of that, do we?
i kept telling myself it would all go away.

VOILA!

shield of heart armor.

applied to heart.

out of necessity.

THEN...

one TELLING moment - you look in the mirror and break.

enough of the strength. enough positive. enough trying to forget. enough trying to remember. enough excuses. enough convincing everyone around you that you are alright. enough of the perfect. enough of the "big girl panties". enough blaming yourself. enough of ALL of it.

ouch.

more tears.

more sad.

more depression.

just holding on by a thread.

i wanted to escape.

just.

be.

done.

i was consumed with feeling sad.

couldn't shake it.

--------------------------------------------

DISCLAIMER:

at this point: - i am waist deep in my ocean of comfort.

....just so you know

--------------------------------------------

Wings: Reason #3

i became so consumed with grief.

going through the motions.

life became numb.

i was traveling in darkness.

day by day.

wondering if i could bring myself out.

thinking that this time perhaps, i could not.

i KNEW better.
knowing that i SHOULD know better.... made me feel even more distant and elusive and "unreal"
- i was so sad.

then....
two choices.
crumble completely or ask for help {which i REALLY stink at doing}

i opened up.

reached out for help.

and INSTANTLY - without hesitation - i was surrounded with angels.

{aka: friends/family}

i felt hands reach into my self consumed darkness.

these angels reached outside their OWN pain and lifted me up.

giving me their wing of strength.

adding to my own strength that THEY knew i had.

it took time, and work, and persistence ...

slowly...

light emerged.

my single wilted wing started to spread out in strength.

HOPE was given back to me.

LIFE was once again becoming a place that i really wanted to be.

when the light emerges LOVE & HOPE is so apparent.

JUST those two things make EVERYTHING worthwhile.

------------------------------

HOWEVER...some people don't emerge....

....and as my hope returned....others in this lifetime lost their HOPE.

our community was struck with the loss of one beautiful soul after the other.

we watched our community loom in shock.

we watched our children cry.

we watched wounds re-open.

time to do something.

time to reach into someone else's darkness.

time to use my WING to help another that is struggling - - just as my angels {aka: friends/family} had helped me.

HOPE. HEALING. LOVE.

necessary.

i can help.

i KNOW the darkness.

and

here is the beautiful thing...

i KNOW the light.

SO......

Why be part of WINGS OF HOPE?

here is "ankle" ocean depth answer......

simply. because i can.

xoxo,

angela

it was my birthday....i've been thinking....

2011-01-15T10:58:00.000-08:00

shallow post....of random thoughts.

been thinking a lot lately about age.

can't help it.

just am.

being honest.

age is so stupid.

{i know my literary skills are stellar today}

why do we have to be "assigned" an age.

who was the guy with the bright idea?

i think we should get to DECIDE what age we want to be and stay there.

don't you?

time can keep going - it's a beautiful thing...

but "age" should stop.

hey...anythings possible right?

i would have never thought i would be a Sagittarius instead of a Capricorn either!

what age would you be?

honestly.

i think....i am pretty sure - i would pick MY age.

38.

right here, right now.

{well ok, honestly, maybe i would pick 36 - i was much thinner. hee, hee}

here's my thoughts

i have just enough lines on my face to know i have had a million laughs.

i have just enough curve on my body to know i have given life.

i have just enough emotion in my heart to know i have lived deep.

and it has all meant so very much.

i have just enough.

i really feel that way.

so i think i will stay this age.

i officially have a story.

things worth sharing.

i love that.

the girl on the right - 20 years ago - is gone.

i seriously look at that picture and wonder who she was.

it is as if she was an illusion.

i wonder if i will feel that same way about "me" when i am 58 - 20 years from now?

most likely - i will.

which makes me very young right now.

{positive self talk}

seems like yesterday...yet it seems like an eternity ago.

like one minute you are 17 - and the next you are turning 38?

random thought -

that means it has been 20 years since i had eyebrows ONE INCH thick, check those babies out!

ha!

life.

flies.

by.

life

stands.

still.

it is a mysterious thing.

all i know...

is if the next 20 years bless me the same way the first 20 have.

....i am one lucky chick.

{1992}

{2010}

conclusion:

time is beautiful.

i'll take it.

100%

"age."

it's stupid.

and i will not be turning one year older ever again.

moving on.....

heart. on. sleeve.

2010-12-20T20:28:00.000-08:00

heart. on. sleeve.

no matter what.

do you know people who wear pretty clothes like this?

i do.

it is a rare beauty.

women who ARE who they ARE.

and "heart. on. sleeve." CONFIDENT about it.

they share, confide and trust

not only for the growth of themselves but in an effort to learn from one another.
help each other.

i have consistent women in my life, just like this - who amaze me.
lovely, stunning, amazing and loyal.
...from head to SOUL.....

with sweet little hearts on their sleeves....

together we can be..

confused.

determined.

irritated.

joyous.
mixed up.

sad.

loving.

overwhelmed.

desperate.

sassy.
imperfect.

silly.

secure.
messy.

vulnerable.

intrigued.

lost.

found.

... AND SHOW ALL OF IT, and more ...

anytime. all the time.

THAT is true beauty in "heart. on. sleeve." friendship.

women who know EVERYTHING about you and love you just the same.

women that never need to forgive...

because they never hold on to anything long enough to even matter.

women who know for certain that life gets messy for EVERYONE, and JUDGEMENT is not an option.
ever.

no matter what.

...don't you EVER mistake "heart. on. sleeve" as weakness, or insecurity, or fake.

it just is what it is...out there.

period.

no apologies.
but remember
just because you are who you are...

rest assured.
you will need to be tough, sweet girl.

i have learned...from time to time...

you will be judged

people will assume you weak
fake
insecure
they will go away

wondering why you were SO "heart.on.sleeve" with them.

they will think you are permanently confused, and lost
they are mistaken.
...because really YOU are brilliantly transparent and clear.

just open.

it will hurt. a lot.

{try to get over it, quickly}

please - please remember.

they are wrong.
it is COMPLETELY

100% their loss.

cause "heart. on. sleeve." - is as real as it gets... just sayin'.

so...

just keep putting that pretty heart upon your sleeve and KNOW without a doubt.

you are you.

and THAT is all that matters.

sometimes....

2010-12-14T19:17:00.000-08:00

sometimes....

i wish i could be everything that everyone expects me to be.
i wish i could be what I EXPECT me to be.
i wish i could run away.
i wish i could stay right where i am.
i wish i had made different choices.
i wish i knew exactly who i am.
i wish i hadn't said what i said.
i wish i was prettier.
i wish i was younger. {not really, ok - i take that one back...HA!}
i wish i was smarter.
i wish i could give more.
i wish i could love more.
i wish i could think more deeply.
i wish i could be light hearted.
i wish i was skinnier.
i wish i was more spiritual.
i wish i was older.
i wish i had what she has.
i wish i hadn't opened my heart.
i wish i could start over.
i wish i was stronger.
i wish i could escape.
i wish i didn't feel those feelings.
i wish i didn't wish for a thing more than i actually have.
i wish.......so many things.
...and often so opposite of one another.
it's so complicated - when i know it COULD be so simple.

but guess what.

all the time....i know.....way deep down....that we are growing.....always have been....always will be.
our wishes...make that happen.
all the time....we know.....way deep down....we do our best....even if it doesn't seem so at the time.

i know. like i know. like i know - everything will be perfect. no matter what. no. matter. what.

it is just how it is.

faith.
hope.
love.

live by it.

always.

every stumble. every tear. every fear. every moment. perfection......in its own perfect way.

so my wish for YOU.....faith. hope. love. so that all YOUR wishes come true....just like mine will.
AND a not so perfect life that is JUST PERFECT.

the heart wants what it wants....

2010-11-13T21:05:00.000-08:00

"the heart wants what it wants"

lisa hetrick one of my brilliant artists turned this sentiment in to me.

thank.you. lisa.

the heart wants what it wants.

think about it.

i wish i would have used this in a conversation i had this weekend with a friend.

but. nope.....

instead of just summing it up in a short sweet sentence,

i went on and on and on about a million things.

trying to explain. trying to express....trying to understand...and tearing the situation apart with "reasoning"

when really - there is no "reason" ...just feeling.

sometimes it is just in your heart.

hearts feel. they don't reason.

the heart wants what it wants.

right, wrong or otherwise.

it happens.

your heart is where your passion starts.

with a feeling. listen to it.

right away - cause no matter what...

your heart wins.

you can fight it.

shut it down.

shut it out,

ignore.

but if it is deep inside your heart.

it will remain.

no. matter. what.

so next time.

as you you try to explain your feelings, your situation, your dreams, your actions....

remember this sentiment.

the heart wants what it wants.

and for that you don't have to make any excuses.

no regrets.

it is what it is.....

and there is a purpose for it.

and really....in the end....after all is said and done....

you can't change it anyway.

you wouldn't want to.

so go with it.

live it.

feel it.

and know that....

following your heart will always bring you to exactly where you are meant to be.

and again i can say...

THAT is a beautiful thing.

don't you think?

i hesitate.

2010-11-09T22:39:00.000-08:00

i have to admit.

sometimes.

i hesitate.

i hover my little arrow over the "publish" button.

for a long time.

wondering if i should be so transparent.
do i let my heart fly free?

"being judged" is a little bit of a pet peeve of mine.

i have to be honest!

so knowing...

in one second you are taking absolutely everything you are feeling and just throwing it out there to those that are amazing, fabulous & sweet right along with the vultures, the judgers, the "first lifers" {hee, hee, -sorry} ....it's unsettling at times!

it is all really great when it is a pretty picture you are painting.

and i CAN paint pretty pictures with words :)

any.single. time. i want to.

but.

when it is not so pretty.

typically, i close my eyes.

toss up a prayer...

..and hope - with all my heart that what i am feeling makes a difference in ONE persons life.

just ONE.

that is all.

one of my favorite quotes.

{right stacy}

"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to

another:

"What! You too? I thought I was the only one."

— C.S. Lewis

this morning.

i woke up to emails.

SO MANY EMAILS.

sweet friends. new & existing.

my "what! you TOO" friends.

i love those kind.

women with empathy.

the ones who have lived and experienced so much that they want to take the time to feel what others feel.

the ones who are mature enough to not have to always have to paint a pretty picture.

the learners.

the survivors.

free of judgement.

the women that have endured.

time and time again.

the ones that really "get" it.

i am inspired by you.

my eternal gratitude.

for ALL the emails.

sharing your story - knowing i happen to have one of my own & trusting me with yours.

i love people with a story.

happy, sad and everything in between.

{gives me the chills}

THAT is living.

knowing....

YOU ARE RIGHT where you SHOULD BE.

feeling it, sharing it, knowing with your entire heart it will help on some level.

{right Eva?}

some days are off.
so what.
celebrate them by being off.
really, it is ok.
it is BETTER than ok.
you might be surprised.
being OFF can make you that much more real
and definitely...
that much more lovable.
perfection is SO very boring.
i'm just sayin'.

sometimes. i am just plain confused.

2010-11-08T17:16:00.000-08:00

WHO AM I, anyway?

geez.

sometimes it is SO CLEAR.

other times it is as mysterious as the black hole.

life can be confusing.

people are confusing.

situations throw me off ALL THE TIME.

{THAT is an understatement, but a good thing - don't get me wrong}

i really don't know if i want to admit how confused i get sometimes.

i am confident and confused.

is that possible?

at this age, aren't we supposed to be fairly clear most of the time.

those important things like:

who means what....

where your heart is....

what you stand for?

today - it occurred to me - the answer is maybe not ALL the time.

clarity comes and goes.

that is a beautiful thing because it challenges us.

a.lot.

you never know for certain, because all the restoration we do of our "selves" consistently has a trickle down effect.

it trickles to every single layer of your complex soul.

sometimes, things we thought we could deal with, we can't deal with anymore - or we just refuse to.

sometimes, the belief that we held dear - goes through transformation to fit an even stronger belief.

sometimes, one moment, has the ability to alter your life, significantly.

sometimes, a necessary occurrence far beyond your understanding emerges and leaves you trying to pick up all the pieces.

sometimes is seems like a tragedy....
but really - i promise you - and i promise myself - it isn't.

a NEW puzzle is necessary - a NEW picture is to be painted - far more beautiful than the one that currently is hanging on the walls of your heart.

in order for you to grow.

things happen.

and will continue to happen.

forever and ever.

amen.

i read this today.

"....good is underneath every single thing that appears to be negative. If we can know that good is all there is, including in a negative situation, then we will see a negative situation transform into all good. Most people keep the good away from themselves because they label something as bad, and then of course, that become their reality. But there is no bad in the Universe; it is just our inability to see things clearly from the bigger perspective. Peace comes from knowing that good is all that exists."

WOWSA.

THAT'S a thinker.

agree - disagree.

either way it has the power to make a person contemplate situations at hand.

it is all good.

i have seen tragedy - heart wrenching - tear jerking - all out hysterical tragedy turn into amazing miracles.

it just takes time.

faith.

persistance.

and consistently knowing without a doubt that something greater than any of us is there. always.

my day just got a little less numb.

i needed that.

sometimes writing it out is all it takes.

i love life.

it really, really is a beautiful thing.

my hope for you.

beautiful distractions that lead you to questions and answers and then MORE questions.

it is the only way to live....

may heartfelt chaos be ALL yours.

shift your awareness...

2010-10-08T12:38:00.000-07:00

....sometimes don't you just miss that someTHING, or someONE, a time, or even a place? just a little twinge of something inside your heart that longs for that one moment, or that one person, or that one FEELING...but you just can't put your finger on it. i get that way sometimes.... i'm just sayin'. ♥

yep.

and that "sometimes" happened last night.

i got a little tangled up.

i don't even know why.

too much thinking perhaps?

too many expectations from me - of me?

all these loose ends hanging in my soul and suddenly a big wind comes up & tangles them all up into a big GIGANTIC mess.

it happens.

so.

knowing me.

and.....

in order to feel whatever it was i was feeling i walked outside.

by myself....

late in the evening.

walked up into the field in the back of my house.

and just sat.

for a very long time.

thinking. about nothing.

is that possible?

then i decided that i needed to just let a few tears fall.

i was alone, i might as well.

i don't even know why.

maybe it was for the family that just lost their son in the war.

maybe it was for a young mother who's husband was taken suddenly in an accident.

maybe it was for all the little things that unfold consistently around me that i want to fix, but can't.

maybe it was for

what was, what is, and what potentially could be

maybe it was just because i could, and it is a good thing to do.

as the emotions cleared away,

i felt a sense of peace.....

i like to call it a shift in awareness.

clarity.

deep breath.

making my way back to my front door... i looked up.

at my stars.

{they are the prettiest above my house, did you know that?}

God had a little gift just for me up in the sky last night....something i had never noticed in my entire life.

this......

i have been alive THIS LONG and never noticed.

....what is referred to as pleiades - or the seven sisters.

i am sure i learned about it in the science class i never enjoyed.

i am sure it had been pointed out a time or two through the years.

however....i NEVER really noticed till last night.

i wasn't ready...it was waiting for the perfect moment to become apparent...

and that moment was last night.

i felt like columbus discovering america.

HA!

i blinked a couple times.

wondering if it was the mascara in my eyes that blurred all the stars together.

sure enough

it remained.

what i was seeing was real and SO breath-taking.

...and all of this because

i shifted.

i stopped. i noticed.

makes a girl wonder what else she has been missing all these years.

my wish for you.

appreciation for what is.

however....

the next time that you....

....miss that someTHING, or someONE, a time, or even a place?

and just a little twinge of something inside your heart longs for that one moment, or that one person, or that one FEELING...

take a moment.

for yourself.

feel it and find your shift.

...and perhaps you will become aware of the simple gifts that surround you.

they have been there all along just waiting for you to notice.

THAT is a BEAUTIFUL thing.

miracles happen.

wishes come true.

THIS i know for sure.

...one night...a long, long, time ago.

2010-10-06T18:36:00.000-07:00

i was a single mama.

did you know that?

it was my birthday.

january 13, 1993

i was turning 20.

i was just a baby....but not.

i HAD a baby. one year old.

i was a girl who had been through more than most women my age NOW.

i won't go into details.

just trust me.

wise beyond my years through experience.

back to the story.

i lived in the basement of my parents house, with my baby boy.

nic.

{oh...how i love that boy}

side note: he is now 18. what? how does that happen?

i was going to college full time, waitressing full time, and being a full time mama.

life was busy.

to say the least.

again...it was january 13, 1993....

...and i was feeling very, very, very...did i say very? - very sorry for myself.

i had just gotten done with a 6 hour day at college and then waitressing at MELVINS.

i had a baby asleep.

...and it was my birthday.

nobody was home.

parents in florida.

empty house.

no celebration.

just me....

and my 20 year old/ 50 year old soul.

i sat on my bed.

looked up at the book shelf.

spotted the 1989 yearbook from NEW LONDON-SPICER Highschool

walked over to it.

pulled it off the shelf

held it in my hands....and let it fall open.

up in the right hand corner.

i saw this.

it fell RIGHT to his picture.

my heart skipped a beat.

christian magnuson.....christian magnuson....

my head did a little inventory of what i knew about him.

i played tennis doubles with his sister.

he had the SAME girlfriend all through high-school.

he was a "nice" guy.

hmmmm.......

called my girlfriend jenny.

{remember that, jenny?}

inquired.

asked.

one month - 7 days later.

we went on our first date.

{i will blog that another time}

that was february 20, 1993.

december 24, 1993 he proposed.

september 17, 1994 he married me.

16 years later.

that SAME yearbook sits to my left this very moment.

we have been blessed.

it has been a road full of twists, turns and everything in between.

....however.....

i think

no matter what....

i will love him forever.

he's pretty lovable.

thanks, sweetie.

for the good times, the bad times, the crazy times....

thanks for saving me.

thanks for being saved by me.

we have done good.

don't ya think?

nothing is ever perfect....never will be.....truth be told - i don't want it to be....

because perfect is boring.

just to know love....on any level....

is ALL worth it.

...and i love you.

this i know for sure.

...the head shake.

2010-09-29T15:23:00.000-07:00

Life is simple, it's just not easy....

this year...

so far...

i have lost 4 computer mouses

{mouses? computer mice? - whatever...you know what i am talking about}

i leave them places.

{i am sure at least one is somewhere in my fluffy green couch cushions}

chris gave me his computer mouse today, cause i lost mine. {again}

as he handed it to me he gave me one little warning "don't loose it"

i did.

can you believe that? who does that?

however... it didn't STAY lost because it could only be one of two places.

on my desk, or outside in the grass where i set up office this afternoon.

guess where it was.

yep...outside....in the grass.

WHO DOES THAT?

chris just shook his head.

he does that a lot.

the "head shake"

common practice in regard to the antics of his wife.

then, yesterday...

i innocently announced {more like yelled} to all the guys in the back room....

"see ya later!"

"GOING HOME TO MAKE A VIDEO!!!"

they REALLY got a kick out of THAT...minds. in. gutters.

again.

chris just shook his head.

love me or leave me, baby. :)

my playlist is like me.

2010-09-28T16:01:00.000-07:00

*********

warning: some musical content may not be agreeable to some.

advice: don't judge me {please} - just skip the ones you don't like, VERY quickly...

*********

so i have to admit - when i listen to my playlist - posted ABOVE - it makes me think....

it is a little {well, a lot} like my personality.

one extreme to the other.

a little dramatic.

a little edgy.

maybe....sometimes....

a wee bit sassy.

just plain depressed.

then SUPER happy again.

makes life interesting to say the least, right?

is that a bad thing?

maybe i have an illness.

HA!

i hope to think that is the story of everyone that is taking a journey in this wonderful life of ours.

we are just all over the place.

gettin' to where we are going - where ever that is.
trying our very hardest to ENJOY the MOMENT as we CREATE IT.

today.

you would have never known yesterday existed.

it was a HAPPY TUESDAY!!!!!
hooray!

{please if you are into psychology avoid diagnosis at this moment - i am fine - i assure you.}

i had the same circumstances looming around me as i did yesterday, however today they were looked at as CHALLENGES - with HOPE.

change of perspective is EVERYTHING.

i'm tellin' ya.

i have been told that since i was a little girl.

at 4 i looked up at my mother as she said...

"change your attitude, angela"

that is a true story.

today my attitude changed.

thanks to encouragement, friendship, putting things in perspective, finding hope hidden somewhere deep inside me and putting all of that to good use in the aid to:

"change my attitude"

so next time i post a sappy photo and an "eeyore" {from winnie-the-pooh} type attitude, can you all just take charge and give me a SWIFT - change your attitude talk like my mama?

Mr. Gibran has hit it spot on with the information below.

i'm listenin'

“Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens.”
Kahlil Gibran quotes

p.s.
random fact of the day:
all polar bears are left handed.
did you know that?
i didn't.
:)

...to all of YOU who had ONE OF THOSE Mondays.

2010-09-27T15:12:00.000-07:00

monday.kicked.my.butt.

for real.

today was just one of those days.

nothing super tragic.

nothing super great.

just a butt kicking monday.

------------

i woke up with SUPER intentions on having a GREAT day.

i even CHALLENGED monday to bring it on.

yep...word of advice...don't do that.

moments after i posted the so called CHALLENGE...guess what HAPPENED!

BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG.

police officer at the door.

barking complaint.

nice, huh?

i won't go into details because i am too nice to think of doing that...for now.

{..and mr. police officer - in case you are reading this...THANK YOU for being so kind - that was the PLUS of my day!}

-------------------

then it just happened.

non-stop.

one teenie annoyance after the other.

till...

angela, out.

{i can do that. job perk}

...my fluffy green couch was my destination with my MAC.

day finished there...pouting.

getting work done, but pouting just the same.

i can do that - i was alone.

however...now...i am shaking it off.

because i can.

so i will.

i am gonna head to Luke's football game.

take a little note pad for all the grand ideas that just may float into my brain while i am there and START tomorrow with a grand new plan.

that is the beauty of tomorrow, right?

i just don't think i will toss out a conceited challenge to

"Bring it ON"

I tend to learn from my mistakes.

so to all of you who had the same..."kinda icky" day.

{{{{hugs}}}}

let's move forward and do it all better tomorrow!

because...

“Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow.”
Mary Anne Radmacher quotes

....another weekend of RANDOM perfection.

2010-09-26T14:46:00.000-07:00

what a beautiful weekend.

un-planned to perfection.

"....sometimes, when things take longer than you thought they would, it's just a gentle reminder that you have more time than you thought, and that there's a journey to enjoy." — mike dooley

saturday - late afternoon.

a bit of lovely out at CHUCK AND MAR'S house.

{this is what we call chris's parents}

Simple Beauty - is STUNNING.

there was no single way to put these photos into a category all of their own.

they were all over the place.

but i just love them all.

so i thought i would share.

I didn't think this guy was quite as beautiful as the pretty little blooms above...

I AM a fan of frogs, however i ALMOST squished this little guy and he was NOT HAPPY being thin for a split second under my foot.

poor poofy thing.

He looks like he wants to have a word with me in this photo.

ticked.

i think he was actually ticked.

if he could have said so, i believe he would have.

{look at that mouth, corners all turned down in disgust - just giving me the "look"}

he did eventually get back at me....a few moments later as i tried to take a photo of sawyer and i, he took it upon himself to pee all over me. nice, huh?
{chuck said it was not pee, it was a hallucinogen that is their defense mechanism - i still say it was pee.}

time to let the frog go, sawyer.

the leaves are turning.

i am a huge fan of trees.

i know that surprises you.

i think i took 60 photo's - this one was my "random" favorite.

do you have these moments?

when all is right with the world and a hint of tears just well up inside.

this was one of those.

a moment of perfect with my little guy.

{this was shortly after i got a mini shower from mr. froggie}

HA!

sawyer has his moment with the camera.

he took a brilliant little shot of his mama.

thanks, sawyer - LOVE IT!

Sunday Morning.

sour cream pancakes a'la Ree Drummond.

yummo.

it was a no make-up - wake-up and stay as you are sort of day.

these are some of my favorite days ever.

little wesley

shhh....don't tell his mama....

he was SUPER impressed by my pancakes.

love this look. it was random - can't tell you why it existed on his adorable little mug at the moment i snapped the photo.....but it is a favorite of mine.

typical.

the "dad reading the paper" sunday.

HE was supposed to be making breakfast, however coffee was as far as he got.

it was yummy coffee, though.

nothing like the armpit coffee of the past.

love ya, babe!

always a device of some sort to amuse.

luke found some kind of application that gives you millions of random facts.

i have learned a ton this weekend.

like the existence of some mushroom 3 miles in diameter somewhere here in the US.

that hot water weighs more than cold water, that baby's dream in the womb, that in 1789 the United States had a debt of 190,000....i feel slightly brilliant.

or...how about this one?

is it illegal to let you 12 year old drive the volvo?

look how odd that looks?

it was time to mow the lawn.....

can you SEE WHY?

jeepers.

sanford & son.

what do ya do?

After a long day of lawn mowing, yard manicuring, snake dodging, barefoot in the end of September LOVELY day....we sat down to visit with this mutt.

isn't he ugly?

{sarcasm}

oh....how...i love him......

he is now starting to exit his little {big} JUMPING stage that has taken me out on several occasions.

for awhile there he would jump, hit me on the the chest with BOTH big paws and i would be on the ground.
ticked.

once i learned to predict it i got him in the chest first.

now.

he won't even attempt it.

he loves me....and we have come to an understanding.

feeling happy.

for a weekend of non-events.

it was good food, yummy vino, lot's of pretty stuff around me, and GREAT LAUGHS.

i am just trying not to think about all the TO DO's till bright MONDAY MORNING.

which will bring my new exercise program.

but, i won't think about that now.

ENJOY YOUR SUNDAY NIGHT!

love,

ang.

i know. i know.

2010-03-24T17:30:00.000-07:00

see i had great. intentions. with this blog.

but sometimes life takes your hand and leads you in directions that are so new and distracting that you have a hard time fulfilling your original plan.

forgive. me. please.

what exactly is my plan you ask?

well. to inspire. whatever that takes.

i have found that bringing inspiration to women - - in turn heals my soul.

so don't think for one moment that i am standing tall as the "all knowing" one.

that is not the case - not one bit.

i am searching just like everyone else.

starving for happiness, fulfillment, purpose.

and all those things are at hand the moment i start writing, sharing, creating.

do you find the same thing?

falling in love with life really is the key to that happiness. as it is. no matter what.

ok.
so.

i was going to do the "SIMPLE SCRAPBOOK" challenge that Latisha is hosting.

while i was searching through my pictures i found my journal.

i wanted to share. this.

by me.

risking wearing my heart on my sleeve....here it goes.

".....when asked what they want in life, most people will tell you that they just want to be happy. the problem lies in the criteria. i will be happy when.....if only we realized that happiness is simply a conscious CHOICE. it is not set aside for the rich, or the beautiful, or the fulfilled - it is plain and simply an emotion that anyone can access at anytime - regardless of circumstances. this statement will pose some opposition. people say - how can i be happy when....i am broke. i am sick. i am lost. - life offers up all these challenges. happiness eludes those who don't seek it out. i will be the first to admit that for a very long time i was NOT a "seeker of happiness". drama seemed to bring me more attention. as the months have passed. i have done some soul searching and in that search my most treasured find IS MY HAPPINESS. my mornings start with thoughts of gratitude and in those thoughts my heart is happy. NOBODY can take that away. it is mine for the taking and i intend to take it in HUGE quantities. it is a strange phenomenon, to realize this. but i am not going to question it......happiness....who knew it could be that simple.

"The world is a great mirror. It reflects back to you what you are. If you are loving, if you are friendly, if you are helpful, the world will prove loving, friendly and helpful to you. The WORLD is what YOU are.

reminder of the day....

2010-02-25T14:19:00.000-08:00

miracles do happen.

for. real.

don't EVER forget it.

--------------------------------

"there are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle; or you can live as if EVERYTHING is a miracle"

-Albert Einstein

Albert, I will take option TWO.

Hooray for Miracles!

tell me about yours.

i love to be inspired.

mis-matched.

2010-02-23T20:07:00.000-08:00

....this was me - all day Sunday.

yep, i baked bread, made muffins, did laundry, cleaned and tromped around outside in this get up.

white sweats with a strawberry print that stop at mid-calve, black polka dot socks pulled up to my knees and a mismatched sweatshirt.

not caring, really.

NO ambition to "get pretty".

my outside outfit was matching the feelings inside with precision.

mis-matched

these days

inside

i feel a bit mis-matched.

feeling a million emotions.

{i am sure looking at all my old scrapbooks aided this a little...HA!}

led in several different possible directions.

WHICH path do i choose?

WOWSA - did we really sign up for all of this, girls?

SOMETIMES

life gets confusing.

out of sync

causing a girl to re-think the very ideas that glue her soul together.

growing.

BIG TIME.

and

hanging in there.

Do ya have those moments?

please tell me you do - assure me i am not alone.

REALLY...

i don't even need to ask, do i?

- because this is life

EVERYONE

EXPERIENCES

HARDSHIPS - OTHERWISE KNOWN AS - GROWTH

So what do we do about it?

i don't know about you, but i cry. a lot.

then i get brave.

i hear whispers,

{i swear i do. - but shhhh, don't tell anyone - they might think i am LOSING IT! :)}

telling me

leading me

in directions i never thought possible.

i start to see the light

little by little

i open my eyes to new possibilities

and i call on my faith.

to move me forward.

because this i know for sure.

there is no benefit in quitting.

no benefit in staying weak

no benefit in shutting out the world.

the pain you endure eventually becomes your strength

embrace it

knowing

it is a gift

to get you to where your going.

....it is a BEAUTIFUL adventure

so dry your tears and enjoy.

LOVE AND HUGS!

“I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness because it shows me the stars.”
Og Mandino quotes

----------------------------------------------

Here is the WINNER - I am sending you a BOOK! :)

-----------------------------

Emily said...

Hi Angela

I love reading and think I could do with some motivation at the moment - the possitive energy is a bit low.

My fave books are any that make it hard to put them down, big fan of J D Robb (a bit cheesy but a great read)

Email me at: angela@unitystampco.com

...motivation monday

2010-02-22T10:20:00.000-08:00

{i love all of these}

if you are open minded

you should read these.

new ideas.

new thoughts.

perspectives.

if you agree with the authors - or disagree there is growth in all of it.

OPEN YOUR MIND to grand possibilities.

These are:

motivational

loving

and

inspirational reads.

One of my BEST FRIENDS gave me

IF LIFE IS A GAME, THESE ARE THE RULES.

It helped me SO VERY MUCH as I was in my late 20's early 30's.

Priceless Information and WISDOM.

I have been referencing THE POWER OF POSITIVE thinking since I was 21.

My mother in law gave it to me RIGHT AFTER I got married.

Do you think that was a hint?

lol.

At any rate it is an OLD PUBLICATION with timeless wisdom, advice and encouragement.

I LOVE IT.

I want one of you to HAVE IT!

INFINITE POSSIBILITIES

ENERGY BUS

love em'

THE SECRET

Oprah found this and told me about it.

I love it.

All about the LAW OF ATTRACTION.

If you are open to new ideas - YOU WILL LOVE IT!

The last book...

JACK CANFIELD'S LAW OF ATTRACTION

MORE good stuff - you will recognize JACK'S name from all the:

CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP FOR THE SOUL books.

So these are just a few of my favorites.

wanted to share with you.

OH!

...and I DO LOVE NOVELS.

THIS ONE -

have

read

12 times since i was 19.

I want to motivate you!

a GIFT.

I will send one lucky gal -
"If Life is a Game, These are the Rules"

HERE IS WHAT YOU DO!

Follow the "Create this Moment" blog - Subscribe.

Then leave a little comment sharing your novel reading adventures or favorite type of books/favorite book.

I will pick ONE LUCKY WINNER!

I will personally send you this wonderful book! :)

tell. your. friends.

---------------------

OH!

by the way!

ONE LUCKY FOLLOWER WON

Kitchen Logics.

random.org

chose

TRINI

Please email brooke@unitystampco.com with your mailing address!

Thanks so much!

----------------------

Scrappin' it OLD SKOOL. :)

2010-02-21T14:12:00.000-08:00

...these are not well taken photos

i took them quickly

so i could share them with you.

i dug WAY back into my close and found the treasured OLD SKOOL Scrapbooks.

my friend susan and i used to get together ALL THE TIME.

paper

stickers

markers

tri-dots

circle cutter

scissors

glue

this was all that was required

and

we thought we were VERY EXCELLENT at our craft...didn't we Susan?! :)

i look at my pages now and chuckle

i couldn't STAND open space.

sticker here.

tri-dot there.

busy

busy.

however - the beautiful thing is this

the memories are recorded.

and i love that.

as i went through my scrapbooks

one

my heart fluttered.

a bit of happiness and sadness mixed up - is there a word for that?

melancholy?

perplexed?

confused?

i don't know - all i do know is i felt BOTH emotions

strong.

These are TEN years ago....

TEN?????

TEN!!!!!!!

am i even that old?

think about it.

10 years.

wow.....the changes.

i am now surrounded by 6 ft children

1. anticipation of the first graduation

2. second drivers license

3. third child becoming a teenager

4. ONE 7 year old that is pretty TICKED he is not in ANY of the old scrapbooks I pulled out.

SUCH IS LIFE.

Chris and I - FIVE YEAR anniversary - babies. we were babies. i was 26 he was 27.

I pulled this page cause it STILL remains to be one of the BEST DAYS of my life.

Spent it with JUST my brother and my husband in a boat on a near by lake by a hole of sunfish.

It was 70 and sunny, and FOREVER I will cherish this memory.

James was pretty excited we brought home SO MANY FISH.

Chris was stylin with those overalls - don't you think?

Nic and Luke

Now a SENIOR and a FRESHMAN.

wow.

James 1 - Nic 7 - Luke 5

The Magnuson Kitchen Island.

this exists in right as you walk into our home

the kitchen and the island are RIGHT THERE.

it holds precious memories.

one after the other.

Check out the scrapbooking technique.

See the gingham corner and the flower sticker!

HA!

Corner of one of the scrapbook pages - CHECK OUT THAT sticker.

Hee, Hee.

Chris and I at Cross Lake.

Lovely times with Friends.

I knew he was cute - I just didn't remember him THIS CUTE!

Look at that bent over ear and GREEN EYES!

.....hanging out waiting for his toaster strudel

This was one of my FAVORITE scrapbooking layouts in the late 90's

Suzy Zoo Stickers - didn't get ANY cuter back then!

Nic's first day of 1st Grade.

again.......wow.......

In the boat early June with my boys.

Mrs. Grossman's Stickers (see that in the corner)

Another OLD SKOOL layout -

....seriously funny.

what can I say?

I was scrapbooking by candle light I have been doing it so long!

....was i ever this young?

...another fishing layout.

these were always the greatest memories.

however - i think this was an illegal pull from Green Lake....

Not positive.

shhhhh.

So there it is!

A BLAST from the past, both creatively and personally.

Not the most STELLAR WORK - but priceless just the same!

I treasure the journaling so much - there are memories there that could not have possibly been remembered had I not done these!

NOW i need to create some NEW STUFF to share!

How long have you been crafting?

DO YOU FIND that your past creations bring you some comic relief?

Share if you have a moment!

Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose.

~From the television show The Wonder Years

Some SATURDAY Home Cooking at the Magnusons

2010-02-20T16:23:00.000-08:00

Earlier this week in the Unity Forum at Splitcoast Stampers - I asked for some simple inexpensive recipes to feed my family with.

Morissa Sweeny directed me to her BLOG.

...and YUMMO she had a recipe on there that LOOKED Amazing.

A MUST TRY

So here it is Saturday - and I am ready to dig into some cooking.

Following Morissa's Recipe and adding a few steps/ingredients of my own.

WARNING: THIS RECIPE IS FAR FROM FAT FREE.

Please DO NOT email me with any complaints about the amount of butter OR garlic that I use.

Cook at your own risk.

{k?}

....because pretty much THOSE TWO ingredients are my secret to YUMMINESS.

Here we go KEEPING IT SIMPLE.

Ingredients.

chicken

butter

parsley

garlic

chicken stock

white wine

bow tie pasta

flour

mushrooms

olive oil

Not Shown: Salt & Pepper

Optional Ingredients

Parmesan Cheese

Onion

Step 1: Cut up Chicken {bite size pieces}

Step 2: add garlic and butter to fry pan

Step 3: Cut up onions

Step 4: Add Chicken and Onions Salt & Pepper to Fry Pan

Step 5: Invite your really smart husband to help.

Step 6: In small another fry pan heat up butter, garlic and mushrooms

Step 7: Be VERY careful NOT to step on your German Shep's NOSE.

WHY does he ALWAYS have to lay there while I am cooking?

Don't mind me, Jakob.....GEEZ!

Step 8: Boil water and add Bow Tie Pasta Cook till soft.

Step 9: Combine chicken and Mushrooms in ONE PAN.

Step 10: Take Pasta and Chicken/Mushroom pan and MIX together in one large bowl.

YUMMO.

Step 11: Time to make the sauce.

Chicken Stock made from Chicken Bullion cubes

Step 12: Combine all sauce ingredients {measurements listed below}

Step 13: Add in Chicken Stock

Step 14: Whisk till Thick

Step 15: Add Sauce to chicke/mushroom/pasta mixture

Step 16:Mix & Feed a family

Finished Dish with Parmesan Cheese and Pepper.

Chris gives it 5 stars - and thinks I am pretty dang good at making a Saturday Pasta Dish.

HOORAY!

{i will add- CHRIS helped, cause he is SUCH a good cook}

THANKS SO VERY MUCH, Morissa!

The Magnusons are eating well tonight thanks to your recipe!

Hope you don't mind I changed up a few things.

Creamless Creamy Mushroom Pasta

Pasta and Mushrooms

8 oz. Farfalle Pasta (Bowtie - Barilla Pasta Plus is my recommended.)

1 lb. fresh sliced mushrooms (Baby Portabellas would be yummy. I had plain old mushrooms.)

1 T. olive oil

2 T. butter

4 chicken breasts

onion {optional}

1 T. Garlic

1/2 c. white wine

salt

pepper

Cut up chicken into bite size pieces - {optional - cut up onion into small pieces}- In pan add butter, garlic, chicken, onion, salt, pepper. Saute till cooked through. As the chicken comes to a full cook add wine to deglaze your pan - scrape bottom to add flavor into your chicken, simmer till cooked thoroughly.

In another small pan add butter, mushrooms, wine, salt and pepper. Saute' mushrooms for flavor.

Mix mushrooms together with chicken mixture, set aside.

In a stock pot add water, salt and olive oil to boil for the pasta. Cook pasta according to package instructions. Drain.

Combine pasta and chicken/ mushroom mixture in one large pan/bowl.

Proceed to sauce.

Sauce

1 c. chicken stock (or vegetable...We have a couple vegetarians in the family, so I try to accommodate.)

1 c. white wine (gulp down the rest WITH dinner!)

3 T. flour

2 T. butter

1/2 c. parsley

3 T. minced garlic (I used the type pre-minced in olive oil.)

salt and pepper to taste

Add butter to a large skillet and bring to a SLOW simmer. Add flour little by little and whisk in quickly. (Do NOT have the pan too hot or it will burn the flour!) When all the flour is in SLOWLY add in the white wine and stock, whisking constantly. Continue to whisk after all liquid is added and bring to a slow simmer. Add in remaining sauce ingredients. Continue to whisk until the sauce has thickened. Add pasta and mushrooms to the skillet and mix throughly. Serve topped fresh, shredded Parmesan cheese. Don't forget to enjoy it will your leftover white wine. :)

PLEASE NOTE: Pictures above show all ingredients DOUBLED due to the magnitude of the boys in my household.

What is your favorite Saturday night FEAST?!

FOLLOW my "Create this Moment" blog for your chance to win THIS.

i will announce the winner on MONDAY, picked from the FOLLOWERS of this blog!

Look for MORE recipes SOON!

This is what the Our Little Kitchen tab will consist of in the future!

CHRIS cooks some UNBELIEVABLE dishes so he will share as well!

Taking a MOMENT to notice....

2010-02-19T13:48:00.000-08:00

....we have all been there.

walking around in a fog...

going through the motions.

...just getting through the day, the week, the month, even THE YEAR for some.

numb. un-motivated - not really taking notice of anything.

....it's so typical of people at certain times in life.

actually

said it before - will say it again....

my opinion is

you shut down to grow

babies grow when they sleep

our souls grow when we go numb for a bit.

we heal.

THAT is a beautiful thing.

because

when we wake up again.

we TAKE notice.

...and everything seems a little bit more joyful, a little more interesting and just plain funny in some cases.

when you consciously take a moment to notice

perhaps you will find it as entertaining as I did today.

walking around unity i made the decision to notice what i had not noticed...fun stuff.

I walk by this EVERY DAY - not noticing.

This NEST has been in the bush right by the Unity door all winter....NOPE, did NOT NOTICE

Brooke has these adorable magnets on the side of her desk - a gift from her kiddos - NOTICED THEM TODAY!

Michelle was given a GLOAT BUTTON as a SECRET SANTA GIFT for Christmas?

DID NOT NOTICE it TILL TODAY - ...and it will NOW be put to USE!

I open this fridge every day and grab MY FRENCH VANILLA CREAMER - DID NOT notice everyone else's

{unless, of course, mine is GONE - HA!}

Tommy T's Motorcycle?!

Where did that come from?

I DID notice I was missing a WINE GLASS from my home -

however....

DID NOT notice till today it was on the shipping desk at Unity with a CANDLE IN IT!

HOW in the world did that happen?

These two adorable little pals have been sitting in Chris's office for MONTHS did NOT NOTICE the button....I will leave it at that.

Thanks Lindsay Spencer {Unity Artist} for this guys little girlfriend!

THESE GUYS wish I HAD NOT noticed these pink pigtails we brought home from CHA last year, BUT I DID

.....and they were sports enough to put them on for me today!

....and the BROOM DUSTPAN words are HUGE - HOW in the WORLD did I not notice THAT?

The bathroom is RIGHT NEXT to this, NOPE walked by it EVERY SINGLE DAY.

....not to mention Mr. "I AM DUSTPAN"

____________________________________________

“You can become blind by seeing each day as a similar one. Each day is a different one, each day brings a miracle of its own. It's just a matter of *paying attention* to this miracle.”
Paulo Coelho quotes ________________________________________

Create THIS Moment.

2010-02-18T10:00:00.000-08:00

so here i am.

back.

i have missed writing.

inspiring.

sharing.

it was therapy for me.

---------------------------------

this blog.

is about

creating

in SO MANY WAYS

in essence.

this blog holds the "feeling" behind unity.

having to do both with

creativity

and

life

------------------------------

as we bring beauty into this lifetime with our hands and crafty pursuits

i hope

it also flows forward

with our hearts...

--------------------------------

Moments....

good

bad

and

otherwise

is what
a fabulous

LIFE

is all about.

let's create with care and detail.

{detail - that is what i need help with, please}

So SUBSCRIBE.

{up on the right}

Come Back.

We have so much in store for you.

Getting to KNOW UNITY.

the people.

the feeling.

the love.

the hope.

the energy.

...and in GRAND ANGELA FASHION - the QUOTE SEARCH BEGINS again!

a great reminder

you know it

i know it

we have heard it a million times

- and one of my favorite quotes ever....

“Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away”

“The truth is that our finest *moments* are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such *moments*, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.”
M. Scott Peck quotes

“Life gives us brief moments with another...but sometimes in those brief moment we get memories that last a life time...”

“Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens.”
Kahlil Gibran quotes

“Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow.”
Mary Anne Radmacher quotes